Chief of Staff Position

Posted 12/11/2018

I received a call today from Donald Trump. He asked if I would consider becoming his next Chief of Staff. I inquired as to why he thought I would be qualified for the position, and he said he was told I was an older white man. I replied that I was, and Trump told me that was all he needed to know.

Being such a big decision, I decided to put a list of Pros and Cons together to help me make my decision.


  1. Reporting directly to the President of the United States is a very important position.
  2. National Recognition, TV appearances. 
  3. I always wanted to see the Oval Office.
  4. The opportunity to meet other heads of State.
  5. The ability to tell Mitch McConnell to “go fuck off, the President is not available”
  6. The chance to block Devin Nunes’ access to the White House.
  7. The pleasure of watching her expression when I tell Sarah Sanders, she is fired.
  8. The trill of going on Fake Fox News and telling Sean Hannity that he is full of shit.
  9. Trump was upset that Jeff Sessions did not inform him that he was going to recuse himself from the Russia Probe, before accepting the Attorney General position. Can you imagine how pissed Trump would be if I did not tell him, that I want him impeached, before accepting the Chief of Staff position? 
  10. The possibility of watching Donald Trump removed from the White House in handcuffs.
  11. The excitement of wondering who would play me in the movie “The Trump Crime Family.”


  1. Reporting directly to Donald Trump would feel like a demotion from other positions I have held. 
  2. It is very difficult to work for someone that you know is not qualified to hold their position. 
  3. It is only a Temp job, the average Trump Chief of Staff only lasts 11 months.
  4. The humiliation to my family, because my name would be connected to the Trump Administration.
  5. The challenge of trying to stop Trump from doing illegal activities.
  6. The potential legal fees I may incur defending myself, because I might be considered “Guilty by Association”
  7. The possibility of being criticized and insulted on Twitter by Trump.
  8. It appears that Special Council Robert Mueller is well on his way towards bringing down the Trump Crime Family, and probably does not need my assistance. 

My Decision:

After reviewing the above items, talking to my family, and giving Mr. Trump’s offer serious consideration, I was still on the fence about accepting the Chief of Staff position. 

However, before I reached my decision, I received an offer from a local Hamburger Fast Food Restaurant to be the Assistant Manager of their French Fry Department. I have decided to accept that position instead.