Q: Mr. Trump, the video and audio tapes of you ordering the assassination of Vice President Mike Pence during the Capitol riot of 1/6/21 proved to be very damaging. Do you have any regrets about ordering Mr. Pence’s assassination?
A: Not at all. If his assassination had been successful, I would have been able to install a Vice President who would have been willing to pardon me for all of my crimes after I resigned. My only regret is selecting the Proud Boys, the Oath Keepers, and QAnon to pull off the assassination. They all turned out to be pussies, and stabbed me in the back after they got caught.
Q: Is it true that you are not allowed to see or communicate with Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump, Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, and Rudy Giuliani?
A: Yes. The conditions of my parole forbid me from associating with any other convicted felons.
Q: It must have been very disappointing to learn that all of your family members agreed to a plea agreement in exchange for providing the Federal Prosecutors with the evidence needed to convict you.
A: I was disappointed with Ivanka. There was no need for her to talk about our “Special Times” together when she was a little girl. As far as Don Jr. and Eric, I’ve always known they were losers. They were just parasites living off of me.
Q: A lot of your MAGA Supporters are very upset with you because you conned then into donating money to your “Stop The Steal” campaign, and then you put all of that money in your own pocket.
A: I did not put a gun to their heads. I have been fleecing people out of their money all of my life. I have screwed over banks, contractors, charities and venders for over 50 years. All of this is public information, but in spite of this, they were stupid enough to donate to my fake “Stop the Steal” campaign. They have no one to blame except themselves for being so stupid.
Q: How were you treated by your fellow prisoners while you were incarcerated?
A: They all loved me. They said I was the greatest prisoner they ever spend time with.
Q: Are you saying there is no truth to the Rumer that you were physically assaulted shortly after being incarcerated?
A: OK, well there was a incident in the beginning when I got caught cheating at UNO. I thought it was just a game, and did not realize they took it so seriously.
Q: So you were physically assaulted?
A: All I will say is that I will NEVER cheat at UNO again.
Q: Is it true that Sean Hannity wrote to you every day and visited you often?
A: Yes. all of the guards called him “Hand-Job Hannity”.
A: They had cameras in the rooms.
Q: Is it true you would not allow Rep. Marjorie Taylor Green visit you in prison?
A: YES, She is one crazy bitch. She should get together with Don Jr’s girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle. They would make a perfect pair.
Q: You don’t like Kimberly Guilfoyle?
A: Did you see her at CPAC? I thought she was going to strip onstage. She is a scary looking woman, if she is a woman. If I was Don Jr. I would sleep with one eye open with her.
Q: Why did you cover-up the fact that the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia ordered the murder of a American Journalist?
A: If you knew how much money the Saudi government has given the Trump Crime Family, you would understand.
Q: Will you run for office again?
A: Yes, Here are a few of my new Slogans: